Lioness ([info]elisem) wrote,
@ 2006-10-17 10:06:00
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I dreamed I saw
(No, not St Augustine -- stop that. The song's already stuck in my head.)

I dreamed I saw Mike last night. Somebody was with me, and I don't remember exactly who it was, except that it was somebody who loved Mike. We were in this room in a big hospital-like place, though it was quieter and less busy than any hospital I've ever been in. It felt like an old building, and was all shades of cream-colored paint, mostly gone to grey-beige. Mike was sitting up in a hospital bed there. He was so thin, but not thinner than he had been in life. He was very pale, but again, yeah, that's how he was. When one of the nurses came in, he told her that he was getting better. After she went out, we were, you know, like, "Getting better? Dude, you're dead." And he smiled that smile he got when anybody caught him at something, the one I call his "Busted!" smile, and told us, "I keep forgetting." I got the impression that as soon as he had adjusted to the idea that he was dead, or something, then he could go. He got up out of the bed, waved to show that there were no IVs, nothing tethering him to the bed. He was amused by it, and I think was also proving to himself that he was not medically trapped in this place that was not a regular hospital. He said that pretty soon he was going to "walk right on out of here." He said that in his Explore The World voice. And then he started telling me the plot of a very complicated movie.

That's the first time I have seen him in my dreams since he's been gone. Sometime soon I should tell you guys about such dreams in my family, but for now, I am just posting this.

I'm in NYC right now. I'll be home in Minneapolis tonight. (Viable Paradise went really well, by the way, and it was extremely good to have that work to do right now. I got a lot figured out there. And I had really good roommates.)


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[info]purpletigron
2006-10-17 02:23 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for sharing that dream!

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[info]janetmiles
2006-10-17 02:27 pm UTC (link)
That sounds like a good dream to have had, I think.

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[info]halfmoon_mollie
2006-10-17 02:27 pm UTC (link)
hm. First, thank you for sharing.

And yes...
I got the impression that as soon as he had adjusted to the idea that he was dead, or something, then he could go.

I think that is exactly it. It's time for him to go...


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[info]jbru
2006-10-17 02:33 pm UTC (link)
I had a dream such as that from my maternal grandmother soon after she passed. I thought mine was a blessing and hope yours was for you as well.

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[info]jenett
2006-10-17 02:37 pm UTC (link)
That is a really lovely dream, all things being all things.

Drop me an email when you're back and ready for details collected while you were gone, and I'll send it out.

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[info]garunya
2006-10-17 02:45 pm UTC (link)
Viable Paradise went really well, by the way, and it was extremely good to have that work to do right now. I got a lot figured out there.

You gave me a lot of confidence in Snake Head. I think I'm going to start on my editing later this week. Thanks again for all the notes :)

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[info]dragonmyst
2006-10-17 02:46 pm UTC (link)
You know, I can't help but think that he visited you. What an amazing dream.

{{hugs}}}

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[info]wouldyoueva
2006-10-17 02:47 pm UTC (link)
I always enjoyed those dreams about people I've lost. It's like they're visiting me again.

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[info]selkie_b
2006-10-17 02:49 pm UTC (link)
True dreamings... wonderful things. My Great-Grandma would come and sit at the foot of my bed and tell me stories.

You know, sometimes still I can feel her half-remembering still...just a whisper. We were so close.

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[info]elisem
2006-10-17 03:05 pm UTC (link)
I forgot to say that this bit was what positively identified Mike for Eric Goldberg when I told him the dream:

And then he started telling me the plot of a very complicated movie.

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[info]selkie_b
2006-10-17 03:24 pm UTC (link)
Thursday tea? Jenett said she'd do as before :)

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[info]truepenny
2006-10-17 03:56 pm UTC (link)
That's the moment at which I, too, said, "Yup. That's Mike."

I'm really really glad Viable Paradise went well, and I'm glad the world gave you that dream. Because it seems right.

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[info]rdkeir
2006-10-17 03:29 pm UTC (link)
"Are you Mighty?" "Yes, I am Mighty."

Once again, reading your writing leaves me feeling this way. THank you.

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[info]sdn
2006-10-17 04:12 pm UTC (link)
ooh, interesting. i had a dream like that about my mom soon after she died.

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[info]aedifica
2006-10-17 04:36 pm UTC (link)
I've been thinking about you often and hoping you're well.

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[info]pagawne
2006-10-17 04:40 pm UTC (link)
What a blessing you have been given. I am very happy for you.

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[info]ailbhe
2006-10-17 04:48 pm UTC (link)
That's heartbreakingly lovely.

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[info]wordweaverlynn
2006-10-17 05:00 pm UTC (link)
What a lovely dream. I don't know what you make of it, but I have had similar dreams that felt like visits. (And dreams that just as clearly were dreams -- something from inside me.)

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[info]girfan
2006-10-17 05:31 pm UTC (link)
Do you know that you met my husband at Viable Paradise?
It's too small of a world.

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[info]elisem
2006-10-18 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Oh! He's yours, then? Excellent!

It's not so much that it's a small world. It's just that it's folded a great many times.

And here: a trio of reprobates including him, me, and Dru (who was teh best death-metal Ophelia evar, when we did "Beer with Billy" and committed various Shakepearean fun).

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[info]girfan
2006-10-18 11:08 pm UTC (link)
Yes, he's my wonderful Englishman. :)


He hasn't stopped raving about how wonderful it all was and how great all the people were. He texted me a few names and I recognised yours and told him to mention that you and I met at Fiddler's Green through [info]mistressmousey and that you gave me a beautiful pendant (which I last wore to the wedding we went to on September 30th).

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[info]elisem
2006-10-18 11:10 pm UTC (link)
OMG. And Mur took this photo just before the other one, I think. Hee! We were in the kitchen of whatever that first room was, at the party on the final night.

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[info]cpolk
2006-10-17 06:30 pm UTC (link)
I had a very similar experience with such dreams after my grandmother died, eight years ago. they happened a lot, and then tapered off. I still do dream about her these days, but there's a difference to it now.

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I still think it's weird that Mike & my dad went on the same day.
[info]gypsy1969
2006-10-17 06:46 pm UTC (link)
I don't know what Viable Paradise is but I hope you had a good time.

*********I've missed your posts.************

The dream sounds good. I'm looking forward to hearing about these dreams in your family.
I've been dreaming a lot the last two weeks. I don't remember them though, they flee as soon as I wake up and I haven't the time to catch them.

Yeah, and I think that Mike wouldn't want to stay around for his memorial. He would be too embarrassed. And as he has told me, he knows how people feel about him, who likes/loves him and who doesn't so he doesn't need to be curious about that-- not when there are too many things around to be explored.
I wonder... 11 hours ago America reached the 3 million milestone. I wonder of the children born today which one is Mike... I bet he didn't wait long to come back... If... only... who knows???

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[info]kightp
2006-10-17 11:46 pm UTC (link)
I don't know whether dreams like that one come from within or without. I don't think it much matters. They are blessings, in any case.

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[info]laurel
2006-10-18 12:54 am UTC (link)
What a wonderful dream.

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[info]rocza
2006-10-18 03:21 am UTC (link)
There's a whole tradition of dreams and visions and the bardo in Buddhism. A couple of years ago, my best friend died, and I sat the bardo for her, even though she wasn't Buddhist.

There was a certain day of the readings, and that night, after I read them, I saw her in a dream - the first time in 17 days. It was similar to yours, in that it was her saying goodbye. When I woke up in the morning, I didn't need to say the bardo again.

I understand, anyhow.

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[info]rutemple
2006-10-18 05:29 am UTC (link)
Hugs to you and to Juan-Mammal, from me, from Lise, and purrs from an ancient orange kitty.
It makes sense, the dream, and Mike's pause for reflection and figuring out this being dead stuff, before moving onward in the great explorations.

I knew the moment my grandmother died; she brushed by, and was so surprised to continue (I think she'd half-convinced herself she'd go out like a light). Mom waited another couple of hours til 7am to call.

When I left college in 1981, the first thing I did was to be a live-in; amenuensis, now I'd call it, to U of MN professor emeritus of sculpture Katherine E. Nash; for what turned out to be the first half of the last year of Katie's life. She had times when things were rough physically, of Dreaming -- that she her late husband and another old friend of theirs (also dead) were walking through an art show and that the two of them had gone ahead into the next gallery, and she woke herself and me up, asking for help putting on a wrap (the handy afghan/blanket) to go through that door (not mapped to the actual waking room)... and we both thought, later in waking hours, that he was around during her last year. I think he was there to meet her at the end.

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[info]firecat
2006-10-18 07:06 pm UTC (link)
That gave me shivers.

I did a shamanic journey after my grandmother died and it had some similar elements. My grandfather, who had died a few years earlier, came and picked her up in the big boat of a Cadillac he drove. They drove off with me in the backseat and stopped at a general store. She went into the general store for a while, came out with a big smile on her face, and said "Ah, now I understand." I got out and they drove off together.

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[info]pixelfish
2006-10-18 08:16 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad you got to have that dream and I hope it does you good.

(I don't know either of you, but I read Making Light, and I think I accidently got one of your dreams. If I could, I'd send it back via mail, but it wouldn't be the same.)

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[info]elisem
2006-10-18 10:52 pm UTC (link)
Having looked at it, I think it is just the sort of thing Mike would do, and that it is indeed your dream, and that it makes me happy to read it. (And he did walk with a stick sometimes.)

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[info]micheinnz
2006-10-20 05:39 am UTC (link)
That is a good dream, and I am glad of it, and glad for you and glad for Mike, too.

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You are wonderful, and I am a very slow Vortex
[info]vortexae
2006-11-05 07:06 am UTC (link)
"Viable Paradise went really well, by the way, and it was extremely good to have that work to do right now."

Talk about being slow on the uptake. Me, I mean. It wasn't until tonight, when while idly jumping from friends-list to friends-list I found your journal via another VPXer's, that I realized that "Mike's Elise" was the same Elise as "VPX Elise with the beads and the singing and the song-writing."

I think if I'd realized that last month, I would have been horribly shy and afraid of saying something stupid. And then I would have missed out on that wonderful evening of watching you assemble Carol's pendant while you told me all about your work. So it's probably for the better that I didn't realize it.

You've been in my thoughts since Making Light broke the news. Thank you for sharing this dream. It's beautiful. Time passes and healing happens, doesn't it?

(See? Saying something stupid already.)

Anyway--

*hugs*
--
Niki

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Re: You are wonderful, and I am a very slow Vortex
[info]elisem
2006-11-05 04:25 pm UTC (link)
Ah! I had a really, really good time hanging out with you, too, so I'm glad nothing got in the way of it.

VPX was a good thing. And I have work to do, which is also a good thing, particularly for a Lioness with no voice.

You've been in my thoughts since Making Light broke the news. Thank you for sharing this dream. It's beautiful. Time passes and healing happens, doesn't it?

Thank you, and thank you. And especially thank you for commenting on this today, because the e-mailed response brought me back here to look, which had me read the dream again, and it was exactly the right thing.

I think I am in the rinse cycle, again, as far as healing goes. It'd account for the quantity of tears, yesterday and today.

(See? Saying something stupid already.)

Not a bit of it. You are being an Occasion of Healing.

*damp lioness grin offered, and hug as well*
Thank you.

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