elisem: a review of convention survival tips

Lioness (

elisem) wrote,
@ 2006-08-20 21:50:00

a review of convention survival tips
"Never decide you've been snubbed unless you're sure the person in question could see and hear you, and was sure you were trying to talk to them."

I can hear better now than I used to, but it's still worth pointing out. And I have at least two folks in my circle with vision trouble about whom I hear woeful tales of snubbery; just because somebody can see two feet in front of them doesn't mean they can see eight. Given the number of people who were startled three or four (or ten) years into our acquaintanceship by the revelation that I was hearing-impaired and relied upon lip-reading to navigate conversation, I should have realized people are no better at recognizing limitations on vision. For that matter, the person who walks past you frowning might be trying to remember where they left their cellphone/purse/manuscript/disintegrator ray.

It's probably not about you.

(If it's me and you think it's about you, ask. I'll tell you. *grin* OK?)

Also, my memory for names is all farfetched these days; please do not take it as an insult if I cannot retrieve yours. I'm still glad to see you, even if I'm spinning my wheels for context traction.

voidampersand said: "When you've got a friend whose vision is going, don't snub them by only waving and smiling across the room. Get up close so they can tell who you are." I think that bears repeating on the front door of this entry, so here it is.

Other tips?

(Post a new comment)

dolphin__girl
2006-08-21 03:25 am UTC (link)

Food is very important. It is also often expensive and hard to come by. Time is often scarce. Having a durable and non-perishable snack with you (such as sesame snacks, fruit bars, or meal replacement bars) comes in handy when you're starving and in the middle of a four hour stretch of "must be here" panels.

Also, never underestimate the value of coffee pot oatmeal. Never attempt coffee pot macaroni and cheese.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

peacockharpy
2006-08-21 04:47 am UTC (link)

I second this notion, and it is DOUBLY true if you have some sort of medical condition that requires that you eat at reliably predictable times. The logistics of rounding up your group/choosing a place to eat/getting served in a timely fashion will screw up your schedule anyway, so you might as well bring the granola bars.

Also, at cons I try to always eat a hearty breakfast. And take time out for exercise, even if it's just walking around the block to find dinner.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mrissa 2006-08-21 09:58 am UTC (link)
	Yes, granola bars, fruit leather, other dried fruit, nuts, hearty breakfast. Also I like to give a warning/reminder to friends who are likely to be at the con: "I'm hypoglycemic. It's always appropriate to ask if I've eaten recently. If you feel up to it, nag me." (Or whatever the individual medical situation is.) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	baldanders 2006-08-21 04:06 am UTC (link)
	Thank you for this. I literally do not see people who do not swing into my immediate line of vision. My entire life people have been convinced -- either with amusement or anger -- that I'm ignoring them. Most people will believe me when I insist (often with distress) that I could not see them, but some people never do. (Reply to this)

saoba
2006-08-21 04:15 am UTC (link)

A late SCA friend of mine had gotten a bit of a reputation for being stuck up after moving into a new city. I was bewildered and asked one of the people who had said this about him what was up with that.

'He didn't speak to me when we passed each other at a large event,' she told me.

I looked at her a long moment and asked 'Were you talking? Because you know he's legally blind, right?'.

No, no one in his new city knew that. And the word got spread right fast and people began actually speaking up when they saw J and lo, he recognized their voices and was always effusively glad to meet up with them. And gosh, look, he's not a stuck up peer who thinks he's too good to talk to new people, he didn't know they were there unless they spoke.

Yeesh. Humans.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	mjlayman 2006-08-22 03:30 am UTC (link)
	Heh. That's what made my parents take me to the base psych when I was six. Mother said he told her "There's nothing wrong with her, she's blind!" I'm not really blind, of course, I'm just exceedingly short-sighted. You can't wave back to people when you can't see them. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	jonquil 2006-08-21 04:24 am UTC (link)
	Also, never ever rule out the other person's feeling shy, and believing him/herself to be too unimportant for your attention. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	elisem 2006-08-21 05:45 am UTC (link)
	Bigtime. This sometimes is hard to believe, but it might be true. signed, sometimes subject to attacks of extreme bashfulness (and who walked past the pub in Robin Hood's Bay where the session supposedly was about five times because of being too shy to actually, you know, go inside) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	jonquil 2006-08-21 02:24 pm UTC (link)
	I must say, this whole discussion is making me realize that several of the people on my Flist are too important to be talking to me (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	elisem 2006-08-21 06:29 pm UTC (link)
	? (Reply to this)(Parent)

	roadnotes 2006-08-21 12:42 pm UTC (link)
	Yes! It took fifteen years for us to figure out that Soren and I were interested in each other, because we were both too shy and too bedazzled by the other person's apparent social life and status; I've several relationships and friendships in fandom that started that way. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	xeger 2006-08-21 04:34 am UTC (link)
	The caterer at a wedding I was at was absolutely mortified after having said (to the back of somebodies head who wasn't getting out of the way) "What are you, deaf or something????" - and discovering that he was, indeed, deaf. (Reply to this)

	voidampersand 2006-08-21 05:34 am UTC (link)
	When you've got a friend whose vision is going, don't snub them by only waving and smiling across the room. Get up close so they can tell who you are. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	elisem 2006-08-21 05:47 am UTC (link)
	That is important, and well-said, and I am editing it into the front of this post. Thank you. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	madrobins 2006-08-21 06:29 am UTC (link)
	Also, never rule out the notion that that person who is so sparkling and witty and extroverted on a panel might be, um, really shy off-stage, and believe himself too unimportant for your attention, etc. Speaking well before crowds is a whole different thing from speaking well in crowds. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	dolphin__girl 2006-08-21 12:09 pm UTC (link)
	That is very true. I'm one of the most enthusiastic and outgoing people on the floor at my museum and have no problem bounding over to people and striking up a conversation about whatever they're looking at. My co-workers are often surprised to find out that I end up in the corner at parties with no idea how to engage strangers in a conversation. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	jerusha 2006-08-22 12:16 am UTC (link)
	Speaking well before crowds is a whole different thing from speaking well in crowds. Yes. Oh, God, YES. You've just summed up in one pithy sentence one of the "Here's how life is inside my introverted head" concepts that I've been spending paragraphs on. Thank you! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	marykaykare 2006-08-22 04:17 am UTC (link)
	Word word word. What she said, yes. MKK (Reply to this)(Parent)

mrissa
2006-08-21 09:55 am UTC (link)

From that Making Light post: If something bad happens to you, go talk to the conrunners. They can't fix everything, but they can often be very helpful.

I learned how very true that was when I came down with the flu at World Fantasy Con last year. Happily, I had enough friends at the con with me that I didn't have to rely too much upon the conrunners. But they were going to make sure I was as okay as it was possible to be under the circumstances. They called up to my hotel room a couple of times, and when they found out Dr.

porphyrin (bless her) had taken charge of the situation, they called her cell for updates and were eager to help in any way they could. They even scolded her for not taking advantage of them more.

If I had to be sick anywhere in the world but at home or my mom's, apparently a well-run con is the place to do it. Inasmuch as having the flu and spending most of the weekend in bed rather than seeing people or going to events could be described as fabulous, it was fabulous.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	dichroic 2006-08-21 03:34 pm UTC (link)
	I heard similar opinions from a friend of mine who developed problems requiring immediate open heart surgery while at a large con in Boston a few years ago. (Actually the problems had begun well before the con; it was people there who convinced him these symptoms are serious; go see a doctor NOW and who then stayed with him through all the ensuing unpleasantness.) (Reply to this)(Parent)

roadnotes
2006-08-21 12:39 pm UTC (link)

Oh, yes, and yes, and yes. Particularly the not making assumptions. It took me years to develop some friendships, because I thought the other parties were either aloof or too busy -- while I was just shy and nobody special -- only to discover that they were also shy, as well as being busy with other friends/nearsighted/hard of hearing/face-blind/lacked peripheral vision/etc.

Mark, the former spousal unit, for example, lacks peripheral vision on one side, enough so that I could walk directly beside him for half a long NYC block without him noticing me until I spoke. Soren doesn't recognize people unless he's looking directly at them. Whereas I remember people's movement patterns and identify them with same, but can't remember names; if you stand very still, I may think your face looks familiar, but not recognize you.

(Reply to this)

	dichroic 2006-08-21 03:35 pm UTC (link)
	This will be my first big con. So thank you everyone - there's at least one newbie here who really needs these tips. (Reply to this)

(Anonymous)
2006-08-21 04:30 pm UTC (link)

Face-blindness is worth remembering too. I have been known to arrange to meet a newish friend somewhere, get there, see her waiting, and not approach her because I wasn't sure it was her. I can also meet someone I haven't seen for several years and know that I know them, but not who they are.

(Sorry for anonymity - I post as Eleanor on Making Light, but I don't have an LJ account.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	Prosopagnosia helps you make new friends every day! phonemonkey 2006-08-21 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	Been there. Done that. Dreadful embarrassment ensues. I find that it's helpful to pre-warn Weird Internet Friends that I may not recognise them when I meet them. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	redbird 2006-08-21 04:45 pm UTC (link)
	Good points. People who know Ed Meskys (who is blind and travels with a guide dog) know to come over and say "Hi, Ed, it's $full_name" when they join a conversation, or see him at a con party or table and want to talk. But not everyone is going to think to transfer that to people with less obvious impairments. (Reply to this)

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